Indigo Expression - Being a Parent, from a Daughter's Perspective
by Kai Lena
Naturing, Nurturing, Nourishing
I don't like being told that just because I am not a parent yet that I have no idea what it's like to be a parent. Is not being a child, who is an 'observer of parents', enough qualification for my own input? I've observed certain aspects, I've learned and I've formed my own opinion of what I've agreed with. Being a parent doesn't make you automatically qualified in knowing how to be a GOOD parent. It's a learning curve. You can and probably should draw on your own childhood experiences. Reflect on your childhood and question it. How your own parents influenced you may not always have been particularly beneficial to you, but first you must realise this. I always assess the parenting techniques used on me, decide which ones I would like to keep and which ones I found to be useless for my own development.
I constantly put myself into my own parent's shoes or imagine myself as a parent of my own child. This allows me my own insight into myself and how I would act. I do not see my independent thoughts changing to that of someone else’s from my past the minute I actually have a child in my care. People persist that it is different when you have children. I agree with this, but it doesn't mean you totally change everything about yourself. I have my own ideas therefore will have my own ways of dealing with similar situations. The idea of 'parents' makes distinction between themselves and the child, it brings with it a sense of inequality. I don't know why it's like that, perhaps parents should really be called friends or guides as equally the new born child can also be called the identical thing. Forever more from the moment of conception, we are all equal, we are all friends and we are ALL guides to one another in one form or other. We are all teachers, we are all learners and it's important to remember that especially AS a parent.
To get to my title then: Naturing, Nurturing, Nourishing. There's been this long debate about development being due to Nature or Nurture. My answer is Both. What I propose today is that they can be the same thing. Why is the distinction made? One way of nurturing can most definitely be 'naturing': my own word but in essence it can mean that leaving a child to nature in the sense that it learns about it's environment naturally, it explores and learns for itself...this could be the ultimate in nurturing. Allow the individual nature of the child to nurture themselves I suppose is another way of putting it.
Nurture can mean so many different things when in different environments. Nature too. No two natures are the same; from country and culture to different families in the same street. Both these aspects can be changed at any moment. Nurture is technique, it's how the parent moulds the being before them, how they influence them, this is where mistakes could be made. However, general connotations of the word is about looking after them, looking out for them and doing the right thing by them. Of course doing the right thing is very much a subjective thing and everybody is different. This is all the more reason to allow the actual child to be the judge of what is right for them. Nurture is all about listening. It is about allowing the child to grow, aiding that growth without ignoring the needs of the individual child.
This leads to Nourishing. This is where I really feel the parent's role begins and has an important place. For small children especially, Nourishment is about choice. Choice. As a parent you can give the maximum nourishment to your child by giving them the vastest choice. This is something I do not see many parents doing presently. So far it seems it's been 'my way or...well, there is no other way!' There isn't an open forum presented to children in which other options are available. Due to this many children don't even question the choice made for them. One of the main problems is that parents aren't aware of other choices other than the ones that THEY were presented with. So, being a parent is all about learning too. You need to be as up to date as possible to be the necessary guide for the child. If your child says something that you don't understand and don't know about, listen and care to find out. Don't ignore it or suggest an alternative thought.
Fortunately nowadays, there appears to be an alternative. Souls such as indigos and crystals incarnate with all the up to date information they need. It's written into them. Many seemingly KNOW things that happened before they became physical beings. The question that has to be asked with these souls is how much learning can they be taught, for aren’t they the teachers? Roles may be switched and it's them who are teaching their elders. This has probably always been the case, it's just that the child's opinion became invalid somewhere along the line.
Choices should extend from reading material, to diet, to spirituality. Not just for awakened indigos, it should be applied to every child. Every being deserves choice. Everyone can alert themselves to a new way of being. It takes choice, a sense of effort in learning and a readiness and willingness to actively change. Everyone has the potential to feel indigo energy. I know within my core, that children would make very different choices to their parents if only they were aware of different paths. Children should not become the product of their parent. All parents imprint their own lifestyle on children in their care. What if that lifestyle was more tailored to free will and free choice with all options open rather than a close minded narrow path? What about a parent who presents ALL ideas and then sits back and allows the child to choose? Children are so much more perceptive and intelligent than anyone could ever believe and that's half the problem right there.
Nourishment is an important word in more than one way. People automatically deduce food = diet. Yet, it is so much more. Nourishment is about diet but the diet of spirit. The parent's role is to nourish the spirit, in multiple ways. It's to allow a whole and rounded view not just one line. For instance with religion, so many people in society will only present their own religion to their child, which practically ignores the fact there are other faith groups and also the option of no faith. Give the opportunity to the child to decide and they may feel they want to draw from none or all. With food, allow the child to know the processes of the food industry, especially where other animal beings are involved. This way they have an open and honest picture to make a rounded decision of their own. Children have a right to know EVERYTHING. People are so protective, it's almost insulting. Children have so much wisdom from within them, they will KNOW what feels right for them. It isn't about being biased in any way, it's more about being neutral. Neutral meaning in my case, open to ALL opinions rather than to have no opinion.
Most important: If you give choices, accept decisions arising from the choices given. You can not have expectations of your child. The only expectation to have is to expect that ANYTHING can and will most probably happen. If we can learn anything as humans, it's that we MUST expect the unexpected. You can not ask an open ended question, which obviously gives an option, even a yes no question and predict the outcome. It can only end up in disappointment if it does not turn out the way you wanted. And nobody wants to actively be disappointed in their own child. Children are beautiful beings, they have freedom in their very nature if allowed. This is so precious to nurture and nourish continuously.
I do think there are some positive changes occurring within parenting techniques. Take home schooling as an example. I think this can be a positive thing, straight away it is showing an alternative method and way of being which differs to society at whole. Even two options is better than just one, that automatically signals to children that there is more than one way of being. Even if that is a lesson in itself which may lead the child to be more inquisitive to find if there are MORE options in the world for them. The nature of home schooling suggests a new learning behavior and pattern. One in which the lessons being taught may have more freedom and range to them. I know somebody who is teaching astronomy, astrology and about energetic fields to their children apart from the usual physical elements of biology, English etc; this simply isn't an option in more 'normal' schools today.
Ultimately, we are always in a state of evolution. Nothing about parenting is a repetitive exercise. The reality is allowing anything to happen, being open to that and open to a new spirit's input. The point is, as a parent, you enter into a position of guidance which is influential on a growing youngster. With this, it is very important to be aware at all times how YOUR own life experience may be impacting on the child. It is too easy to lead as you yourself have been led. When having a child it is important to realise a new possible way of leading: by being lead and guided by the child themselves; be aware of the child's own influence as a positive means to guide them. As I stated earlier, we are all guardians and guides of one another, the parent - child relationship is no different. A productive relationship would definitely consist of the parent and child aiding each other in their journeys, as friends, learning at every step of the way from each other. Nurturing and nourishing one another with new and exciting life experiences. With choice. With openness. With acceptance of free will. And most of all UNCONDITIONAL love.
Love and light
Kai
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kai...I am 21 and from the UK. You could say I'm Indigo but the label is no more than a name to suggest a resonance with a certain energy which seems very present among young people today. I very much resonate with planetary needs and wants, with healing and cleansing and evolving ourselves into more loving beings.
I am primarily interested in music as a way of communicating my ideas. Having set up my own recording studio at home with my partner we endeavour to create new music for a new generation using interesting combinations of all sorts of instruments and melodies. Singing, piano, guitars, orchestral and electronic sounds...general fun!
In 2004 I trained as a vegan chef at the Vegetarain Society in the UK, and am very interested in the nutritional and spiritual benefits of food on our health. Recently I have become more intersted in herbalism as an alternative to general medicine.
At present I'm expressing myself through writing, allowing my freedom of speech to spill out for myself and others to read and think about if they wish.
If you have any questions, contributions for Kai's column please e-mail to: info@parentingtips.co.za Subject line: Kai's column. If you would like to contact her directly: Kai Lena
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